Posts tagged love.

Asked by Anonymous

Basically, I acknowledge that there are many forms of beauty, and many forms of love. Both are have unrestricted domains, especially when pertaining to the latter. I am probably one that just accepts this concept a little more than usual. Quite obviously I love my boyfriend and I am completely content with him, but just as an example, if I see a pretty girl, I accept the fact that I have noticed her. And the beautiful girl I see would be no different than a handsome man. And male or female, I can like either or, because it’s all the same feeling to me. However, I don’t really like putting the whole ‘bi’ label on myself; with such additives comes a stigma I rather not carry with me every single day. But if the word satisfies the meaning, I suppose I am.

I will let it be known right now though, I don’t have feelings for anyone else other than my boyfriend. If I did I wouldn’t be in a relationship. Boy, girl, green or purple, everyone deserves full devotion and commitment in a relationship… Though at times I have kind of a tendency to, like, you know, deviate from reality and enter the world of Courtney to slay the dragon and do the princess (get drunk and hook up with ladies). [Sorry, I’ve been working all day, I get weird as fuck when I’m tired]

Anniversary.

It’s funny to think back then we had only been together for 2 months, and yet I feel the same way. Back then, I knew you as the extremely good looking guy that had just gotten into Berkeley that liked electronica, and was probably the nicest young man I’ve ever encountered. But now, my love is more than superficial and skin-deep. I know you now, and feel the same way.

On the date that marks our second year together, I reflect on our relationship and how it has grown. Though we have had rough times, I can confidently say that I love you more with each passing day. The butterflies are still there. I have never sprung out of that new lover’s heat that is equivalent to being an obsessive compulsive heroin addict (compelling evidence via experimentation, thank you UCLA). And I knew you were always nervous about our future from the start, wondering what would become of such a rapidly developing relationship. I will never forget the time you called me a month into our relationship, asking me “Where do you see us in two years?” And here we are, 2 years later.

Though we have split up, and have had some rocky situations, we have managed to get through it. But in the times we weren’t together, I realized I actually needed you. I was heartbroken, more than you will probably ever know. I literally felt half alive; barely slept, barely ate, barely did anything besides go to school and worked out, or went out of social ‘dates’ that were, to say the least, plastic, false, fake, what have you. I lost 20 pounds in less than a month. I felt like I should have told you I loved you everyday, but the truth was I was scared to tell you. So I didn’t make that same mistake when we got back together.

And I will always love you. You have become a part of me, and the part of me I love the most. You have made the most pleasant impact on my life, and I am so grateful you are playing such a major role in it. I thank you, Jon, for being here. I thank you for all the times you’ve helped me sleep. I thank you for the time and effort you have put forth to make me happy. I thank you for the nights we’re home and you let me fall asleep on your chest. I thank you for not taking advantage of me being so blinded by my own love. I thank you for being a true gentleman. And I thank you for loving me for who I am.

I’m sorry I can’t put more time and effort into this at the moment, as I have 2 midterms and a research project for biology. If I could, I would have written and rewritten this piece until it was perfect, because perfection is what you deserve. I would make sure to include everything I need to say to you, but in reality this isn’t even the half of it. Though this has to suffice for now, know that I have more to say.

Happy anniversary, baby, I love you with all my heart.

8 Ways to Win My Heart (Don’t Try This at Home).

Don’t play games. I don’t do games. I will not tolerate that shit. Talk to me if you like me. Ask me out on a date. I don’t care if you shoot me texts everyday or two. Persistence is key to me. It shows me you care. Trust me, you should figure out quickly if I like you back or not, I’m pretty blunt about these things.

Respect me. Respect the fuck out of me, my body, my opinions, my family, and my feelings. I will respect you in return, I promise.

Challenge me to a battle of wits. I love being stimulated mentally. Arguing is in fact okay, more than okay, but please don’t bulldoze me when I start talking. Listen to what I have to say.

Treat me like a lady, because I am a lady. Acts of chivalry are impressive and very flattering. They also give me a sense of security, and it shows me you care.

Take pride in yourself. Have good hygiene. Dress well. Workout. Walk, talk, and act with confidence. Be a man. I want to see security in being with you. Be respectful to everything and everyone.

Your name must start with a ‘J’ and end in ‘on.’ Quite essential.

I have this plan.

Slowly but surely I will blossom into who I want to be. I will wake up in the morning and be happy with what I see. I will have completed the aspirations and the goals, living as someone’s role model and telling them which way to go. One day, I will be loved. So much so I will receive a thousand hugs. I will be so fortunate that I will not need wishes. And I will not need blush from getting so many kisses. I will make my sorry family name into something honorable for myself. Hopefully all these good deeds will pay off because I’m not doing them for my health. But even when I die I know I will die for myself. Because in this world, I have learned to live for myself, there is no one else who is willing to help.

Bilar, Toblerone, Daim, You.

Fuck you, for doing this again. For telling me the things I want to hear. For giving me hope. For making it so hard for me to forget about what is to come. Again, your idealistic optimism and my pessimistic realism are a collision at full speed. Maybe we are meant for each other. Maybe you can handle the distance. Maybe neither of us will ever find someone else. Maybe our stars align. Maybe you’re right.

But I cannot sit here listening to believe every word you say. These hopeful thoughts full of temporary longing, then everlasting joy as one. So much can happen in those months I won’t see you. So little we can do about it. Understand I love you so much it makes me sick to my stomach at times. Understand that I would love to stay together. I, too, hope for the best. But I’m also scared of the worst. The thought of losing you again eats at me all the time.

Abuse.

Go ahead and tease her. Make her feel like an object and use her. Play with her hair and kiss her on the lips. Toy with her mind and give her skirt a ‘slip.’ Grab and pull her close. Tell her you love her the most. Lay her down and put her to sleep. Dry her eyes if she weeps. Grab her by the wrists and slam her against the wall. Touch and move her like you’re the boss. Say anything and everything to make her stay. It’s not like she’s going to pull away.

Confession: You don’t know how hard I tripped and fell in love with you. Babe, I’m still on the floor, and it hurts.